The Servant's Fortune
by Yodeling Pickles
Summary: This is a story about a servant, hence the name. It is supposed to be a comedic story, so far hogs have been mentioned and there may be fat people in the future. Really, its merely a trifle. But its a trifle you should read!
1. Appealing Apples Are Appetizing

**Dear Anyone Who Is Reading This,**

** I am a very boring person who dreams of finding out whether Zebras are white with black stripes or white with black stripes; a question we all need to ponder. If there are flames for this then that proves you do not know good writing when you don't see it. **

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Author: "You want to hear my story? Well I guess so, it's not like I have anything else to do today except all the stuff I have been putting off, so sure why not, but let's begin at the beginning…. I remember it like it was a hundred years ago…"

The Ambiguous Listener: "That's not true! Everyone knows you are not a hundred."

Author: "Hey are you telling this story or am I! Thank you, now as I was saying it all happened on a Tuesday morning (if this was a movie the scene would change, as it is the scene still changed but the reader missed it, to a village marketplace) the sun was hot and everyone went to market day."

The Ambiguous Listener: "How do you remember it was a Tuesday?"

Author: "I don't! I am making that part up, but shush or you will not hear this story. So I was going to market day (which was on Tuesdays and Thursdays by the way) and I came upon an old gentleman….."

Old Man: "Who are you sunny boy?"

Author: "Well sir, I am a servant of the Baron, may he be hogtied." (You may be shocked at that expression but nearly everyone used it and it was deemed by his Baroness to be a right fine expression to be used for him on account of him being a pig wrestler in his youth.) "As to my being sunny, yes sir I am very much, because I do have some coins to spend."

Old Man: "Very good my boy, very good, but can you help me out I want to go to market as well."

Author: "Think nothing of it sir," I said and helped him to his feet and onto the path. The old man began to tell stories of their royal Majesties and the palace they occupied. I had no need to see their palace of fine clothes and said so, but the old man payed no heed to my words and spoke of the gardens and of their own two children the fair princess and their dashing son the Crown Prince. At the market I thanked the old man for wiling the time away with his stories and as we parted he asked if I wished to go there. "To tell you the truth Sir, I do not wish to go there. I am fine where I am serving the Baron, may he be hogtied. The old man laughed and said,

"You may think that while you are so small but in a few years that will all change." "By the way why do you always end your fine Barons name with may he be hogtied, is not that extremely disrespectful to his personage."

Author: "Why no sir!" I replied and proceeded to tell him what I have just related to you. Then I asked him what he meant by calling me little, after all I was a man of 13 and well respected, but he waved his hand and was soon lost in the crowd. I soon forgot what the old man said and wound my way through the vendors.

The Ambiguous Listener: "What was the town like?"

Author: "Why would you want to hear about that?"

The Ambiguous Listener: "So the story will not end on the first page but merely on the second."

Author: "Well you do have a good point there, all right." The town was gaily decorated and the street bedecked with much finery. Almost as if the king was coming or something. The narrow cobbled streets twisted and turned so that if I were not a native of the town I might very well have become lost. The streets were packed with market goers, for this day that I speak of was much like a holiday for a great number of people. The mothers yelled to their children and the fathers stood in the streets with their odd pipes in their mouths and mumbled around them. (These pipes were some of the most famous in the world and the most intricately carved too, In fact George Wilcomb's pipe won best of country in the national fair held every 9 years and right proud we all were of him getting that honor him being from our town and all that.) To get back to the town, the lasses were hanging on the arms of their men and those same young men were strutting boldly down the streets and bowing to anyone who did not have a girl. Which looked like it was just me; to tell you the truth after all I was only 13. No self respecting girl would have taken up with me anyway, cause after all I was short for my age and skinny to boot. I did feel a mite bit sad I will tell you, especially when I saw Snot-Nose Billy with a girl as well. Snot-Nose was the name he got in school and yet there he was with a girl and bowing and carrying on like anything. Man it makes me mad even now to think about him! I oughta find him and…."

The Ambiguous Listener: "Never mind! Never mind about him, continue on with the story."

Author: I moved on pretty quick let me tell you and I was getting on past the vendors to the blacksmiths when.."

Jenny: "Hey! Jimmy!"

Author: "Well hey right back at you, how are you Jenny."

(My older sister's name was Jenny, she was already married and expecting a baby. Her husband was a pipe carver one of the best in the business. Don't even think about making any cracks at my mother's naming ability for babies, after twelve children your mother would run out of names too.)

The Ambiguous Listener: "But your mother didn't have twelve children she had only two."

Author: "SO! Whatever" Ahem back to the story, Jenny asked how I was doing and how the Baron, may he be hogtied, was faring now that all his children were gone from home. I mentioned his sadness and how the rest of the household was coping, and then I said my goodbyes and continued on. In the town square I heard a commotion and so I naturally hurried over. There a proclamation was being read. Little did I heed my surroundings when I heard the proclaimer and what he said perhaps if I had I would not have had as much problems as I did.

Proclaimer: "Hear ye, hear ye one of your number shall be taken into the Crown Prince's service this day. It must be a boy fair of figure that the Prince Himself will choose and forthwith, the person in the capacity that is due him will serve the Prince until such circumstances will occur as to make him unfit for the Princes services, so he shall return to his home with the Crowns permission, and much honor will the King bestow on…."

Author: I could not believe my ears! Was the Crown Prince going to take one of our numbers away even without the Baron's, may he be hogtied, consent. "Excuse me, Mr. Proclaimer are you going to take one of our number away even without the Baron's, may he be hogtied, consent." The Proclaimer stopped reading at my untimely outburst and stared with a cold fishlike gaze at my personage.

Proclaimer: "What did you say?"

Author: "Who, me?"

Proclaimer: "Take him to see the Crown Prince!"

Author: "…………."

Author: And so I was taken to the carriage that stood a little to the side of the Proclaimer, that was what I had not noticed, and what I was wishing I had when the guards dragged me before it. Inside I saw two boys about my age, one was very fat and had a discontented face and the other whom I felt sure was the Prince was skinny and sickly looking, a sorry sight, either of them, for my eyes. The skinny one spoke first, who is this peasant you have brought before the royal carriage? The words seemed to have difficulty in coming out as if he had enough trouble breathing let alone talk. The guards who did not really know looked to the Poclaimer who still looked like a cold dead fish to my eyes.

Then he spoke, "tell him to repeat what he said to me and you will see."

Author: I did not wait for the prince or his whatever to ask me what I said but I said what I had said before. "Is the Crown Prince going to take one of our numbers away even without the Baron's, may he be hogtied, consent." The occupants of the carriage stared at me and I was sure I was to be killed for whatever I had done.

Man in Carriage (skinny): "Why did you call your esteemed Baron that dreadful curse?"

Author:" I did nothing of the sort I…." and there followed another explanation of my words as you have already seen. I noticed the fat and pudgy personage sit up and begin to listen.

Man in Carriage (pudgy): "As Crown Prince I will take you as my personal servant, I deem you worth enough to so faithfully call your master his title for so long." "Tom you are free to go, goodbye."

Tom: "Thank you sir!!!"

Author: "Wait! What!"

Crown Prince:" Tom has served my faithfully but his health is breaking down due to an unexplained something or other some doctor said it was stress but one really cannot believe everything one is told nowadays can we."

Author: That began my life of servitude to the Crown Prince.

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**Um I don't know why but since everyone else cares, I require three reviews before I post anymore. so booyah.(P.S. It cannot be all from the same person and it cannot be my sister.)**


	2. Big Balloons for Baby

**Well! It's me again! Yes I know still nobody reads this but me, but its nice to get my voice out there. Did Peter Piper have a wife? Yup thought that up in my spare time. So actually I only got one review but I am a kind and merciful writer with a spring break on her hands and I will do what I want! **

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This part of the story I will try to do in third person. Good Luck I say!

The Prince woke up in his overly squishy bed. The curtains were closed so none of the bright light of the day could wake him from his slumber but the room could still be dimly being seen. There was a closet with its door open and inside vast amounts of fat shirts because as I have stated before he was fat.

The room itself was beautifully decorated as a princes room should be. There was a huge full length mirror against one wall and a huge bathroom in the adjacent room.

As soon as the Prince realized where he was you could hear his voice for a mile at least. "Tom, Tom you fool where are you and where's my breakfast."

Now we can see there is another door opening in the wall, this spot which at first looked as much a part of the wall as any other part was in fact the sleeping area for Jimmy.

He has been in the service of the Crown Prince for over four years and the time has certainly taken its toll on the young boy we saw before. Now he does not swing his hands in idleness (did he before?) but carries a tray, however that is not what we notice when we first see him. His face is more grownup looking and he has an air of weariness about him we never saw before.

But though the years seem to have sapped much from him he still has a twinkle in his brown eyes that does not fade.

You may well wonder why the Crown Prince called him Tom. It is because the Prince never bothered to know what his real name was and since he already had a name in his head he just said that. If you were Jimmy would you try to contradict the Crown Prince?

I daresay some of you would have and subsequently lost your lives for that and no one would be the wiser and only your family would mourn. If they even heard about it that is.

Fortunately Jimmy wanted to keep his life so he did nothing and as we see, he is still living. The clothes he is wearing are very nice and they are obviously some of the Crown Prince's old ones because they are as baggy as a small loaf of bread in a giant's pocket, as the age old saying goes.

Jimmy is skinny as a bean pole but one that has beans on it, and his growth spurt must have finally hit because when he gets near the Crown Prince we see he is much taller than His Fatness. Not that Jimmy would coin such a term it was the cooks in the kitchen who first said it. They had good reason to do so when for his meal alone one dinner he ordered twelve courses. They regaled to Jimmy later the amount His Fatness had eaten and it would have equaled what a peasant would eat in a month.

But the stalwart Jimmy would not dare call someone who he served a bad name even if it was true and so he just called him Your Highness or Your Majesty.

Of course now that that long explanation is out of the way and you have skipped it we can go on to what is occurring right now.

"Yes Your Majesty, here it is just as you like it.''

"Finally you horrible servant, I don't even know why we have such servants. They do nothing and waste my father's money."

"Yes Your Highness."

At this juncture in the conversation before Jimmy was going to be hit with passing food chunks that the Crown Prince would spit out of his mouth as he spoke and railed about useless servants, the door to the rest of the castle opened.

The page that opened it was pompous looking and announced in a loud tone "Their royal Majesties King Fredrink and Queen Sally-Mae."

Into the room swept the pair of monarchs bedecked in their finest. The Prince looked nothing like the King except for his eyes; they were the grayest Jimmy had ever seen.

The Queen was obviously the one to which the Crown Prince took after; from her soft pudginess to the discontented look she sported everywhere. Their marriage was an arranged one and sadly the couple never really seemed to see eye to eye.

"Son why are you abed at this late time of the day? You should be at your studies or perfecting your swordsmanship." The King was obviously trying to contain his disappointment in his son's behavior.

"Oh no, that's not what your father meant sweetums. He is just worried that you may be sick. Do you have a temperature?" The Queens double chins swung from side to side as she talked, like a large hound dogs' when he walks.

"Well Mother maybe I am a little sick, but I am taking care to use the old proverb; late to bed and late to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise." The Crown Prince still ate as he talked and the food still splatted on Jimmy, well so much for not having that happen to him today.

"Son I need you to come to the commoner's court. Today is your birthday and I really want you to see the people's problems close up. This is for when you become King in my stead."

"Well Father" he drawled "I understand their problems but I will come because you want me too…. and because I am feeling generous with my time today." This last part was said so low only Jimmy heard it.

Jimmy was standing close to the Crown Prince's bed to see to him the moment he got up. He had his head bowed in respect to the King and Queen. But as soon as the Prince said this he made a movement to take away the tray of food the Prince was just finished with so he would not get yelled at again. If he started the Princes day off wrong then everyone suffered but Jimmy did most of all because of what position he held.

Anyway Jimmy quickly and deftly slipped the tray off the Princes lap to a low table close to the side of the bed. Then he began the process of getting the Princes dressing gown, a throw over kind of outfit. The Prince would decide what he was going to wear that day while wearing this gown. Meanwhile the Royalty were still talking and paying no attention to the goings on of Jimmy.

"Dear, I don't know if he is feeling well enough to go to the court with you and he still has plenty of time, I assure you, to learn." The Queen was quick to say.

"Well even if he is not well enough I still want him to come." Stated the King, in near disgust it looked like. "Besides that's where all his presents are, well most of them anyway."

"Your right," the Queen burbled. "Come sweetums be a dear and get up you really must see all your magnificent presents." So the Queen jiggled back out of the room in a state of great excitement and the King was left to give a parting shot before he too swept out.

"Come son you mustn't keep your mother waiting don't forget her nerves." This was said with a roll of his eyes that was so quick even Jimmy had a hard time seeing it, but it was definitely there all the same.

Here I will give another boring and pointless description because I can. The Royal family had four members.

You have met three of them and in due time if I ever do another chapter for this story there might even be the fourth (this may be a hint for those precious commodities REVIEWS) And now back to our regular scheduled performance.

So there were four members of the family. The king with his commanding presence that had the special "smart ruler" air about it, whatever that means; The Queen with her shall we say it? Yes I think we shall, looming appearance that makes the populous know the kingdom is one of the richest in that part of the world.

The Crown Prince, as we have seen a spoiled, fat, grotesque, slobby, tub of lard. Need I say more?

A random younger sibling that I will totally put in at a later date, yes they will play a part in the random scheme of things and they are actually important.

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**If your happy and you know it, Review! If your happy and you know it then your review will surely show it, if your happy and you know it REVIEW!!  
**


	3. Crazy Cats Consume Candy

Sorry about that folks. I was not actually reading my own story and so yes I did mention that the princess was part of the family in the first part and totally forgot in the second. I of course blame that on sleep and the President (because as everyone knows everything is the Presidents fault. Including that bad grade I got on my last test) feel free to blame any errors I may have on him. Oh and on the media who has not yet found me but- here the author fluffs hair- any second I could be found and made a star. (It's their fault they have not found me and my special talent) My sister says I have no talent except for falling down stairs, but I argue that that is a real knack I have that should be shown to the public.

For any confusion which was likely to crop up when I made that first chapter, Jimmy was the one talking because even though I wish it, this exciting story did not actually happen to little old me. Le sigh. For the reason I did not go back and fix it, I still do not really understand how to do that and mankind is above all else lazy-Harriet Beecher Stowe

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Now that you have skipped all that author stuff just like I did get on with it and read the next short segment.

Well it was time for the Prince to get up. So after rolling back and forth a bit, he called Jimmy and the page, who happened to be still in the room, to help him out.

The page came with much trepidation, because there were rumors that the Prince was so fat he could snap someone's back with his weight.

Yup not the type of death someone would want their family to remember them by. But actually this rumor was not entirely correct and the young man it happened to got healed by the court magician.

The court magician was a very strange person. A man with the peculiar name of Gingerswallow bestowed on him, probably by his mother, but then did he have a mother? (If someone tells me a good mothers name for this guy he will totally get a mother)

It was an accurate name because his face looked like it was trying to swallow ginger. He was a very skilled worker but he was really old. Nobody asked about his life or how old he was, everyone just assumed he was a hundred, and who knows he might have been.

He had been there, so the stories said, since the beginning. Whether this was the beginning of the world or just of the kingdom was not made certain.

Anywhoo the prince was still trying to get out of bed.

Fortunately for the page boy, Jimmy had grown up with taking care of the prince's weight and so needed only a little help to get the Prince out of bed. Still both helpers breathed rather hard after they were done.

Then Jimmy struggled to get the robe over the Prince in a becoming fashion. After that the torture began. It may appear to the casual observer that the Prince did not care about his looks, but that would be a false assumption. Instead he was enamored with his own body, if that's even possible.

So the grueling task began with the Prince deciding what to wear that day. He wanted to put on something unique because it was after all his birthday.

So the servants and Jimmy pulled the outfits out of the overstuffed closet and then had to set them back down and go get another outfit when the Prince was not pleased with that one. Worse than a girl he was.

Eventually Jimmy found the outfit the Prince wanted to wear and they had to put it on the Prince.

Have you ever tried to dress a small little boy that is like six who does not want the clothes on? Well this was completely different. Instead imagine a large marshmallow that had arms and legs, and then imagine those arms where really heavy and limp. Yeah, it was really that bad. So after getting another workout the servants had the Prince ready. As soon as the Prince was done getting dressed the page escaped with all speed and agility before he had to do anything else.

So he stepped his ponderous bulk out the door and BAM! His sister smashed into him. Well this was unexpected so naturally the prince fell down.

"Yes!" All the servants' eyes seemed to say. But then the general expression changed to "A large elephant just sat on Jimmy?"

Then of course their eyes changed to say something else entirely. "Acck, we must save Jimmy from the 'squished to quince jelly' fate."

Everyone scampered over to assist the Prince in getting off Jimmy. Even the princess help heave the bulk of the Prince up from the floor. There lay Jimmy pale and apparently lifeless, on the floor. Everyone stared at the body, and for a moment it seemed as if everyone was morning over Jimmy's dead body. But suddenly he coughed and the spell everyone was under seemed to break. The first one to speak was Princess Eleanor. "Are you all right…?"

Naturally the Prince thought she was speaking to him and he responded "Humph yes I am Eleanor but I wish you would be a bit more dignified when you move."

Princess Eleanor responded "Why I was not talking to you Brother!" She laughed a light airy laugh "I was asking your servant how he was. How are you?" she said turning back to Jimmy.

"Milady" rasped Jimmy, "I am fine."

"Well" said the princess "What is your name?"

At this point the Crown Prince interrupted "Eleanor, you do not need to know this servant's name. I know you have been abroad for a long time and have learned some strange ideas, but here he is just a servant and he is beneath us."

Eleanor looked at her brother and shook her head but abruptly changed the subject. "How has your birthday been so far today my Brother?"

"Horrible, just horrible, I have been lectured by father and I have to go to the commoner's court."

With that said the Prince started to sail down the hall. The way he moved was like a Spanish ship rolling from side to side. His attendants started to catch up and Jimmy shakily got to his feet. The Princess stopped him with a hand to his arm.

Softly she spoke "I am sorry for my brother, what is your name?"

"Jimmy, Your Highness."

"Ahh, I did not think you were the one who was with my brother when I left. Where is Tom?"

"I do not know Your Highness. I was rather bewildered when I entered the service of your Brother."

The Princess grimaced but even then she still looked beautiful. "Yes, I imagine so. Still can you at least tell me the town that he was left at? He was one of my best friends when I was here."

Jimmy scratched his head and responded "Well I do not think the town has a name, but it is the town that sits in front of the Baron's, May he be hogtied, castle. That is where I used to work before…"

The Princess gave a puzzled expression that soon cleared as she exclaimed "Oh, that is the town that all the famous pipes are made. Correct me if I am wrong but did a fellow from that town win in the world fair for best pipe?"

"Yes, but my Ladyship I need to follow the Crown Prince as I am his servant and he may need me for something."

"Of course you may leave, Jimmy but wait! One more thing, why do you call the Baron by that interesting expression, does he care?"

And so once again Jimmy told the reason for the expression and then he hurried off down the corridor as fast as possible in order to incur the least amount of anger from the Prince as possible.

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Well the only reason I am still writing this is because of the two reviews I have gotten thank you Blue Mercedes and Popular Galinda. I really am happy for getting something from people. I just hope I will not have to make up a account for a fake person to review on myself. Yes I really have sunk to that level of thinking.


	4. Don't Domesticate Dangerous Dogs

Now Jimmy was correct in thinking that the Prince was in a bad mood. Being sent to the commoner's court on his 18 birthday was not the type of party he had in mind. So he was preparing to be angry and upset until he could go riding. This was his favorite thing to do.

Listener: He could ride? What about his…girth?

Author: AHAHAHAHAH! Sorry uh no, I was not laughing at you but of the picture of a fat guy trying to get on a horse….man that will keep me laughing for days…

Listener: Well none of us care why you are laughing so get on with it!

Author: Sorry, anyway because of his weight problem, he would probably snap the legs of any horse that they could get him on, so he would ride in a carriage. Sometimes Jimmy would ride in the carriage with him (think smothered by pillows) or he would ride alongside on a horse. But that was not very often…

Listener: Why would the prince like sitting in a carriage?

Author: Keep your suspenders on! I was getting to that part. The reason he liked these rides was the people. It allowed the adoring public to worship from afar and bask in his awesomeness. He was of course vain and when the people looked at him with "awe" he was excited and wanted the attention to continue. So every day the kitchen would pack him a huge basket filled with massive amounts of food. This basket was pulled by a different carriage and the ride could start.

Listener: Well that makes sense I guess, but why didn't he like commoner's court?

Author: Being a prince is difficult work, we all agree. I mean he has to eat food, amuse himself every day, that's tough. So to cut in on his planned day of fun and enjoyment is serious business. Not to mention he would have to actually listen whiny pheasants talking about their problems when he has problems too, like his free time being taken up by the court.

Listener: I just lined up five stinkbugs in a line with a string!

Author: …..Ok I guess explanation time is over….

Jimmy ran down the hall hoping he would not the brunt of the prince's anger. Too many rug burns the last time.

Fortunately as he neared the prince he saw that the prince was talking to Gingerswallow. (You remember it's the old dude who has no mother at the moment) And they were talking about how it was perfect weather to go riding in.

Actually let's rephrase that, the prince was talking in loud tones about how much he wanted to go riding and the court magician was assuring him that the sky would be perfectly clear if he wished to go out for one.

Just ahead lay the doors to the commoner's court, and they looked fancy and stuff as all doors look in castles. (But who cares about them) The guards on either side of the doors began to pull them open because the prince was approaching.

Yes it was one of those dramatic door entrances that happens in every good story. And it looked very dramatic.

On the other side was a huge pile of presents. (I will give you two guesses and the first two don't count as to whose presents these were.) The prince began to open them immediately. And throw them over his shoulder. Or just plain break them. (Have you ever seen a five year old under the Christmas tree, ripping open his presents and then throw them aside for the next toy? Neither have I but that must have been what this was like.)

The commoners were staring at the Prince in astonishment, disgust, and a bit of horror. But let's leave them to that and descend to the darkest deepest dankest (notice the alliteration) part of the castle.

(I would say that it was too dark even for the rats to be there, but that would make no sense and there was some living there…so let's move on) An old witch lived down there, as well as a rare type of mushroom that could cure hangnails. She was old, which means she must have been evil. (It's the only logical explanation really)

That day she decided to go gather some meadowwart (I have no idea if that is a real plant but it sounds really spiffy) for her magical potions or whatever she does down there...

So she strapped on her red high heels, (because even witches like to dress up) and her mustard jacket, (because I might have forgotten to mention she was colorblind) picked up a basket that little red riding hood would have beaten the wolf over the head for, and set out.

You are probably wondering about how she got out of the castle, and you may be wondering if anyone knew she lived down there and you might even be wondering what she has to do with the story. Am I right?

Good.

I won't tell you.

There now that we have that in the open I feel a lot better and so should you. Anyway the old witch (who had by this time gotten out of the castle) was walking down the road. (Yes she could walk)

When she heard something behind her, in fact it was a noise that she heard behind her. This of course if you guessed it and even if you didn't, was the prince out on his ride.

To find out how the prince came to be on his ride we have to go back at least ten maybe twenty minutes to when he was opening his presents. He finished opening them and the room looked like the energizer bunny had come through banging his little drum and messing stuff up as only he can. The king had watched this in silence and seemed to radiate disapproval. (I have no idea how he did that) Finally the presents were hauled away by some servants to the prince's room where they would work to fix all the things that got broken. Anyway the prince sat down in his chair that was sitting to the left of his father's hand. And the court began. The first peasant came up with his problem about his wife dying and them losing the farm and the king asked his son what he would do in this situation.

Well the prince had only heard a few words that the man had said and he responded that guy should get a better life and stop ruining mine.

Ooh. Yeah it was bad. If the king was radiating disapproval before he was practically dripping it now. And the peasants looks like they were about to start a revolt right then and there.

So the king quickly took charge by dismissing the prince from participating anymore and asked the guards to bring in a lot of food and the dancing monkey. Because everyone knows that people forget their problems when they are fed and entertained. Especially with a dancing monkey.

So that was why the prince was now coming down the road with his customary two carriages. Not that the old witch knew anything about that.

The carriage drew up right in front of her and stopped, today was one of those days when Jimmy was inside the carriage with the prince.


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